(If Lady Gaga and Bjork had binged on Gummy bears and nickel candy, this is what they would throw up)
There is a big issue in Japan with Chikan チカンor
molesters in the train. Generally
speaking, they fondle women on the train hoping the innate shame felt by a lot of
Japanese women will allow them to get away with it. This has led to Japan having some segregated
trains, which interesting enough, I have been told is avoided by a lot of women
because of the toxic miasma of competing perfumes and that a car full of women
will make some of them unusually aggressive when getting on and off the
train. When men are caught doing this,
the consequences are similar to being caught on that good old show ‘to catch a
predator’. There have now been cases
where girls have just told men to pay them off, or they will tell the police
that the guy molested them. There is
almost nothing that happens to the girls, but their word is taken as true, and
when it’s a ‘he said she said’ type argument, the guy is going to lose. This has created some odd behavior in some
men on the train around pretty women. My
favorite technique is for guys to reach up for the hand straps and almost
handcuff themselves with both hands to the strap if they can’t move away. So… why the hell am I talking about
this? Because it’s made me paranoid! Let
me take today for instance. On the train
ride to work, I had rested my umbrella on a vertical hand-rail next to the
door, and moved in front of a seat nearby.
The train wasn’t particularly crowded as Japanese trains go, but crowded
enough that I had to stand. Well, a
gorgeous woman gets on the train and attaches herself to that rail and won’t
let go. It’s a peculiarity of some
train-goers to hang on to that rail for dear life, and she is doing it with
gusto, facing away from me… her very shapely behind resting against my
umbrella. It’s raining like hell
outside, and I will need that umbrella, so there I am staring at my umbrella,
pondering on how I can take hold of it without touching her… Alas there is no
way. Then I realize to myself, it actually
looks like I am gawking at her behind… when all I really want is my damn
umbrella! I was saved in the end by a
jack ass hauling off the train that nudged her enough that I could make a very
obvious move for my umbrella.
I just want my umbrella.... |
Later on, when getting the bus back home, the only bus that
is available is packed… I mean so packed I can only get one step in before the
doors close. Why is it so packed? The women’s beauty college just let out, and
I am on a bus packed with amazing looking women. The first thing that shoots through my mind
is… Truly, I am in Valhalla! The place
all good warriors rest in blissful eternity…
That lasted about 10 seconds until a new group gets on the bus and
pushes me into the middle of the pack… and I am literally squished against
them. Now… the best way to describe how
I feel is not a really happy happy man, as I should be… but instead, I feel
like Indiana Jones when he fell in the pit full of snakes. That really cute girl in front of me… yeah… that’s
the uber venomous cobra…. Don’t move a muscle…
A new crowd gets on the bus and a few get off… So now I am pressed
against a lot of amazing looking women.
The Indiana Jones scene has now switched to when the Nazis have taken
out the arc, while he is screaming “DON’T LOOK AT IT!!!!”
I finally get off the bus, and I say to myself “So that’s
what Odysseus felt like.”